Confused Child

Prachi and I were at my mom’s place on vacation when she was just 1 year old. One morning a couple of days or more since we had been in Puttur, she wakes up and calls out loud “Amma…” I run to her,cuddle her,cajole her to wake up and do all the goodie goodie talk when she asks in an inquiring tone, “Amma?” I say “what Amma? I am here only”. Again she asks, “Amma?” as though she is looking for Amma. I say “Arrey Chinnu…Amma is here only…look here at me. Your Amma is here” .Unconvinced she continues “Amma?” I point at me and say, “Look gundappa…who is this? This is Amma, Prachi’s Amma.” She asks again “Amma?” Now I know something is amiss…I think for a while and the whole jig saw puzzle is solved. I call my mom “Amma”. I generally use this ‘Amma’ in almost every sentence I speak to my mom. Prachi who was with us would have picked this up and started wondering “Why is this other lady called ‘Amma’? Why does Amma call her Amma while I call her Mamama?” The little kid might have gotten into the confusion whether she was Amma or Mamama. On waking up she had wanted to see my mom and was inquiring for “Amma” with a confused look in her face. Wonderful is my kid!!

Note: I am always referred as ‘Amma’ and HK as 'Aaanu' once Prachi has started talking. When I want to say HK to get something I generally say, “Anna, please get me xxxx”

Curly hair very fair

“Chubby cheeks, dimple chin, rosy lips teeth within, Curly hair very fair, eyes are blue lovely too, mommy’s pet is that you, yes, yes , yes”, this was my favourite nursery rhyme. With me having chubby cheeks and very curly hair I used to think the poem was written describing me except for the dimple chin which I did not possess. The poem would have been perfect I used to think if it were not for that ‘dimples’ which I envy people for having and the blue eyes which I never liked until Aishwarya Rai became miss world. Over the years however, the chubby cheeks remain no more chubby as they used to be, thanks to my overzealous taste buds; teeth though present inside the mouth have grown rich thanks to the silver and gold patchworks. Thank God, lips remain rosy though and my curls are with me hanging around my head like maggi noodles!
Most of my lady friends like my curls. “How nice your hair stays like a bush”, say some while others say “lucky you, hair loss never appears on curly hair.” Both are true and I was quite happy and proud of my curls in spite of all the pain associated. Oiling my hair was like watering the plants in a desert, if there were any; the oil just vanished requiring at least a quarter litre of oil to make my hair appear oiled. Head bath was a headache, rounds of shampoo, water and conditioners to take the oil, sweat, dirt off my head left my hands aching at the end of the bath; so literally speaking head bath was hands ache. Post head bath was a bigger nightmare. The hair would be spread across in all possible directions as though given an electric shock. With comb getting stuck in knots at almost an inch with every 100 strands of hair, all my preciously stored energy got drained at getting the herculean task of getting all the strands together into a bunch! I still remember the times when I used to be a proud owner of long curly hair and my mother plaited it into two plaits pulling the comb out of knots every morning before going to school and me wailing with ‘aah’s and ‘uhh’s.
I believed in the saying “no pain, no gain” and enjoyed the “wow wow”s about my hair for a long time that is till I got engaged! All my dreams got shattered as soon as I had a honest chat with my fiancé. Having read quite a few romantic novels with always a situation where the hero reveres the lead lady’s curls with a sensuous whisper “Oh! You have such beautiful curls, you must set them loose. ” Alas, romances live only in books and my ‘hero’ had read none of those. My hero said, “Eeee, you have such brush like hair. I always wanted my wife to have long soft straight hair.” I was angry and retorted, “Eeee, I wanted to marry a Greek God who is tall, handsome…..” adding all the items in the list that he did not possess whether I really liked them or otherwise. Tit for tat, but never the less I was disappointed. “So what if he does not like ? Curls is the style in the west and people curl their hair as a fashion and this man is blind to his wife having natural curls . So out –dated” , I consoled myself.
In some survey done, I read that most men preferred long straight hair for their women. My husband was extremely obsessive about hair, long hair , straight hair until a few months back. Something changed him and he now finds curly hair very beautiful, short hair very cute. Little angel of ours has hair which shows signs of curls . I am not sure if Prachi will have curly hair or wavy hair, but surely not straight hair. With she being the apple his eye, my husband inadvertently has changed his views. This reminds me of a story which I had enacted in during my school days. A very beautiful queen of old times is obsessed with her beauty and asks her men to show a person more beautiful than her. Men search all over the world and bring ladies, each prettier than the other. The queen remains unconvinced and keeps the search on. One wise minister, one fine days searches a very beautiful lady and presents her before the queen and says, “Your highness, this lady is undoubtedly prettier than you” for which the queen nods in agreement and rewards the minister. The queen says, ”Oh wise minister, yes this lady surpasses my beauty, my daughter is the most beautiful lady in the whole of universe.” This is the beauty of nature!

Tell me Why?

Disclaimer: This blog is on some ‘why’ questions that popped up in my mind related to the stereotype portrayal of characters/incidents. These is not a set of serious ‘Y’s like Why God is not visible? Or why earth revolves around sun? If you are looking for questions/answers on those fronts please skip this post on trivial ‘Y’s-

· Why are scientists always portrayed as old men with disheveled clothes , Einstein-like hair , and soda-glass kind of spectacles etc? Can’t there be a handsome young scientist; a tip-top , dark-tall-handsome guy as described in the M&B novels with a neatly tucked in shirt and a clean shaved face?
· Why do teachers always have to wear glasses? And further upon a teacher is generally a female and a lecturer generally but not always a male. In either cases both wear spectacles.
· Why do the ads of HR jobs, IT jobs, corporate jobs always have a model-like lady figure in them holding a laptop or a sleek bag with a nicely made up face, delicately manicured/ pedicured nails? Can’t there be people like you and me who are very normal in their looks with average heights, with dark circles around their eyes(off course this shows the amount of sleepless hard-work put) be the role models for the jobs?
· Why does a granny in a bollywood movie always has a secret love story of hers to share? Why are the grandparents (grand dad or grand mom) in favor of some love escapade of his/her grandchild while the parents who in comparison are of newer generation opposing it?
· Why in movies is a lady always screaming with pain during labour? Of what I’ve heard from my mom, aunties and others none of them screamed with such high decibels during their labour and were really silent enduring the pains.
· Why in case of any hospital scene, a handful of doctors and someone runs along with the patient in the stretcher?
· Why is a traffic congestion always present when there is an urgency to reach the hospital/airport etc and on the other hand when the lead lady and lad sing duet absolutely nobody is present in the near vicinity?(Don’t mention the Tamil/Kannada movies where a bunch of yuck dressed fat ladies emerge from nowhere and start gyrating to the beats in the background changing their clothes for every stanza of the song)
· Why does a book worm always have to wear spectacles?
· Why does a detective need to be in a suit and a dirty pair of boots with a cigar in his mouth and a hat on his head?
· Why does a dentist always have to don a white coat and flash his white teeth and always have a couple of toothpastes for making comparison? He looks so sanitized in the attire.
· Why should a writer always be absent minded , lost-in-dreams character? On the contrary these are the people who observe even the minute items!
· Why should a poor man always be virtuous and a rich man vile?
· Why should there always be a ‘too-good-to-be-true’ daughter-in-law and a ‘too-bad-to-be-true’ mother-in-law?
· Why in fairy tales, the youngest sister happens to be the most beautiful, the most decent and helpful creature while all her elder siblings are selfish and bad?
· Why does a instrument player like table/guitar always have to grow his hair long?
· Why does a South-Indian have to speak Hindi with a funny accent?
· Why is that only a house-wife/clerical jobbed husband portrayed to have headache and not the neatly clad corporate lady or suit donned manager or a teeth flashing dentist?
· Why is a faded dirty red towel always present around a coolie’s neck?
· Why does the police force generally reach the crime spot only after the crime is done or after the criminal has surrendered to the hero?
· Why is a techie male shown as a smart guy when in reality most of them are pot bellied or have a receding hair line?

Just think of these characters in your mind and almost within a second you will have the same image as I have stated above. For example, take the example, of a techie itself , you are surrounded by thousands of them , associated with many of them and you are one as well. But instead of finding your irritating colleague with a bad breath or your almost bald headed technical manager or a boy-like fresher chewing the gum like a cow chewing the cud you will only find the image I mentioned above.
Think of the teacher and your primary school teacher who taught you multiplication or the physics teacher who taught you “every action has an equal…..” does not come to your mind; instead a lady clad in starched white saree with little blue flowers in it, a stick in hand and spectacles almost slipping of her nose, contempt on her face and a blackboard in the background is all that come to your mind.
Is it because of the repeated portrayal of the image in the visual medium that your brain is tuned to the image? I must say the best of all the images imprinted in our minds is that of a ghost who we can think of only as a she in a plain white nylon saree and long hair left loose over the shoulders with a candle in her hand and cold eyes that never wink! I do not have to describe the background of the scene, do I?

Language chow-chow

“Naanu outside iddene madam” said my driver today. He had called me to tell that he was unavailable. Nothing significant about it, but what struck me was the word ‘outside’ being used in the sentence and how very out-of-place it was. Me, being a staunch kannadiga (you may call me a regionalist) I absolutely hate English words being introduced forcefully into Kannada. I do agree that language is just a means of communication, but the very thought of infiltrating a language with words from other language (read English) infuriates me. We, people from Mangalore generally speak Kannada less impure, and as we move towards Bangalore the degree of infiltration increases proportionately.
I remember this typical incident when I was doing my B.E in Hassan, a place somewhere midway between Mangalore and Bangalore. Casually I asked a kid of about 5-6 years, “Shaalege hogthiya?” He did not show any signs of answering and looked confused. I asked him, “Kannada barthada?” Kid said, “Howdu”. So this cleared both of my doubts, the kid can hear and understand Kannada as well. I repeated, “Shaalege hogthiya?” The kid looked confused again. Thousand thoughts struck me, Has India reached a state where a kid does not know what is a school? I know of school drop outs but is this kid in such a position that he has not known what a school is? But how can that be possible in 21st century in a place like Hassan? Etc. etc. But the thousand and first thought proved all these were wrong. I rephrased my question, “Schoolige hogthiya?”. Hola, the kid is relieved of the confusion and is all smiles with a jubilant “howdu”. I was happy that all my initial thousand thoughts were wrong but at the same time there remained an irritation just like the remains of a food item stuck in the molars but has to be cleaned off. How is that a word as simple as ‘Shale’ unknown? Every now and then I am asked for time, be at bus stand or while walking on the roads. “Taaime eshtu aaytu”, meaning what is the time. Although I would have preferred a much nice “Gante eshtu aaythu” I still can understand this; but a question like “10 ‘0’ clock aaytha?” is hard to digest.
I am not supporting for a language to be spoken in its purest state. I would find it easy and practical to say a tube light a tube light whether in Kannada, English or Sanskrit than a pure “Dandadeepa”. But “morning milk haakle illa”, “templege hogthene”, “Evening barthene”, “brother buy maadthane”, “mummy cook maadthare”, “vegetablesuuuu, fruitsuuu healthge thumbha useful anthe” are just unacceptable. Why do people have to force English words in the other vernacular languages? Is it to show off one knows English or has it become such a part that inadvertently it gets added into the conversation. Although I like watermelon juice more than moosambi I would not want watermelon juice to be added to my moosambi juice!

Cool Thought

“I have replayed the messages as you wanted”, said my colleague from the build team. I said “Cool” and went back to my desk. On my way back to my seat I just started wondering “Why did I say cool? What was cool about replaying messages?” A thread was initiated in my mind on this usage of the word ‘cool’. Over the next few days I noticed myself and people around me using this word very frequently, almost to the extent of an average of a dozen times a day during the working hours of the office.

The first person to be scrutinized was me. I used this word almost as a substitute to OK or a Yes. Whenever someone did something and I approved their doing it I said ‘Cool’. ‘Cool’ here meant an acknowledgement. Whenever something worked as per my wish I said ‘cool’. This cool meant ‘Good, I like it’. As I noticed this usage of cool as an acknowledgement was mainly done by the Indian colleagues of mine. The English men never used them in this context. Their version of cool in these cases was ‘Cheers.’ ‘Have you sent the mail?’, ‘Cheers’, ‘have you finished that?’ ‘Cheers’. Although I found this ‘Cheers’ quite cheerful, a friend of mine was not so cool about it. He thought saying ‘cheers’ early in the morning only reflected the bad boozing habits of British! I did not think this was a cool thought but did not attempt to correct him. Making him lose his cool over a cool subject was not a cool idea!

The other term associated with cool is attitude. ‘He has a cool attitude’, ‘He is cool’ indicates that the person in question is not rigid and is easy to handle. Cool clients, cool managers, cool professors are hard to find, especially the latter two. Managers, Professors lose their cool very easily. The reason for them to lose their cool is mainly the cool attitude of other people around them i.e. the cool attitude of subordinates, students. In other words one might say one being cool is the cause for other losing cool.

The other general usage of cool is when you refer to something which is trendy, like a cool cap, a cool pair of glasses, or a cool bag. Possessing something which is not normal, which is stylish is considered to be cool today. Every teenager these days wants to look cool, be cool. They think sporting an attitude of don’t care is cool, wearing jazzy clothes is cool, having a weird hair cut is cool, skipping classes is cool, driving fast is cool, making fun is cool only to realize later that these are not only not cool but are also stupid. Having said so much about cool I just thought to make a cool search on the net. For those of you guys interested, here is the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cool_(aesthetic)#Cool_defined. The link/meaning is not as cool as the word itself. Check it out…

Pondering over the cool subject for sometime now, I just think how the meaning of cool has changed over time and usage. The ‘cool’ we learned in English lessons was something which meant cold, chilly. If we were asked to frame a sentence for cool it would be like ‘we had a cool weather yesterday’, ‘cool winds are forecasted’ etc. We never used them as frequently as we do now. I wonder what kids of today will frame sentences for cool. They might be like ‘I wanna cool watch’ ‘That bag is cool’. The usage of the word ‘cool’ itself is considered cool and is used by the new ‘cool’ generation. Just imagine how an English professor would respond to the ‘cool ‘usage of the word ‘cool’ by a ‘cool’ boy having attended a ’cool’ party
Boy: I went to a cool place yesterday
Professor: Really? A cool place?
Boy: Yes it was. Never been to a place so cool!
Professor: Is it Mumbai? Mumbai is cold like never before
Boy: No I went to this cool place filled with cool people having a cool time
Professor: Place was cool?
Boy: Yes
Professor: People were cool?
Boy: Yes
Professor: Oh I get it. You switched on the AC, so the place gets cool. People get cool because of the AC, but…………….how will the time get cool??
I know this was a PJ. But just to think how words change meanings over times!

Talking of words which had different usage in earlier times I remember an article which I had read a couple of years back. It is about the embarrassing situation that occurs with the word ‘gay’. Today the meaning which directly comes to mind when you hear/read the word ‘gay’ is homosexual. Think of the old poems which you read in schools, old essays, and old classics. Gay means happy, bright, lively or in new terms ‘cool’. Just imagine the kind of situation that might happen in a conversation between two people belonging to different times when the word ‘gay’ is used. Professor finds the boy happy and bright and says
Professor: You are smart and gay. I like you.
Boy: But sir, I am not gay
Professor: off course you are
Boy: Sir I am NOT
Again a PJ. But just to think how words change their meanings over times!

I think being cool is being open, not rigid on one’s view points. I do not think possessing new electronic gadgets, showing carelessness is cool in any way. I am not cool, to be frank. I like things to be done with perfection and am a little fussy about it… Never the less I would like using the word ‘cool’ for one main purpose if not for anything; situations where I neither want to lie nor want to hurt (In Kannada we have a saying haavu saaybaradhu, kolu muriyabaradu) like for instance when my friend asks me how her new bag is, I wouldn’t want to tell her it is gaudy, it is bad; but I wouldn’t want to lie either, so I can tell ‘Its cool’. So, now you know what to comment if you don’t like this article, don’t you?

Estate Agents

In UK, I have met this unique genre of human species. They are semi Asians (i.e. their parents/grand parents immigrated from India/Pakistan, generally the Punjab area); they have their hair gelled and maintain a portion of it like a spike just above the fore-head in the front; they wear black rectangular rimmed glasses (just like those Sania Mirza used to wear); they carry their cell phone in a hands free mode; they keep talking in their cell phones in a language called Hinpunjish (which could be said to be a hybrid of Hindi, Punjabi and English); they listen to the music albums like ‘Shakalakalakalakalaka… boom boom’. If you are from London, I am sure you can identify this category of people. They are the estate agents!!

Having got to change my house thrice in a year and a half, I invariably had to meet them whether I liked it or not. “Oh sorry Mrs. Pai, that house is just gone. But we have this lovely flat close to station…” This is the common statement every agent makes when you enquire about a house you had seen in their ad in the net. “It just went now … just before 5 minutes” follow later. I wonder why every house I find interesting goes just a few minutes before I enquire. Initially I thought this was real and got worried. But having got to hear the same statement in the same pattern from different people made me realize me that this was a common statement made by any estate agent. If there was training academy for estate agents then this statement would be the first lessen taught just like the first lesson ‘A for Apple, B for Ball…’ taught in schools.

Apart from the alike appearances I mentioned above, estate agents have many more attributes in common-
1. They have an attitude that they are the busiest people in the world. They keep answering calls every couple of minutes, they talk in heated tones, and they hardly have any time to show you a place at a time mentioned by you. They always suggest a different timing which is inconvenient to you and yet you agree to it.
2. In spite of pretending to be busy always, they do not realize that time is valuable for other party i.e. you as well. They keep you waiting for hours together.
3. Most of their clients are IT professionals who have just landed up in UK and are earnestly looking for a place to live. They misuse this desperateness of their clients and try to exploit them as mush as possible
4. They do not provide any chance for the tenant to meet the landlord. “Mrs Pai, I know the landlord, he wouldn’t agree to this…””Let me speak to him. I think I can convince him” “No, sorry Mrs Pai but we cannot give you the contact number of the landlord” “Why?” “That’s how we deal Mrs Pai. The landlords do not want their numbers given”…The conversation goes this way. They trap you fully only after which you are allowed to meet the landlord who turns out to be a nice and sensitive man. But then you are already trapped.
5. They use a unique kind of blackmail to get you trapped. “Oh Mrs Pai, you have a situation here. I don’t think you will get a better house than this.” “Ok, I’ll tell you tomorrow” “Mrs Pai, houses go like hot cakes… I doubt if this will remain when you say tomorrow” “I need some time. I will tell you tonight” “No Mrs Pai, you would have to tell us now, you see they go and you wouldn’t be able to find a place…”blah blah.
6. They shamelessly ask your income, your husband’s income and you say it although you know it is not required for anyone to know how much you earn.

To say it one word they are liars. If you think you can become estate agent being sincere and nice then you are undoubtedly wrong. Lying is the basic criteria in this field. We had to find a house for a short term and were in search of one. We went to the agent who had got us the current one and told our requirement. “Oh! That is difficult! You have a situation here” (Please note the word situation is generally used in UK when you are amidst some trouble having some problems) He thinks….”Mmmm… Mrs Pai I have one house worth £675 at xxx” “But xxx is very far from the town centre.” “Yes it is not very close, but you see you have a situation here Mrs Pai” “Yes I know I need a house for short term, but I do not need immediately. I still have time, so you can find me something which is closer” “But Mrs Pai, you should understand that you have a situation and it is difficult to find one with such situation “ I go and see the house which is not only far but also damp and dirty and refuse to take it. “Mrs Pai, it is not advisable to leave it being in your situation” “Gimme time. I need to think. “I get the same reply I anticipated “I have to show it to somebody in the evening. It might go by then. “This time I don’t budge in for these threats. After lots of bargaining and talks about our ‘situation’, “Mrs Pai we can give it to you for £600” “No I still think it is not fit to live” “I can give it to you for £580 Mrs Pai, being in the situation you are taking this is the best deal”

We did not want to get in a ‘situation’ which never existed by taking that house. We did get a house after lots and lots of searches followed by such situations with the estate agents. But I got very frustrated by the way these people try to exploit your weakness. I just wanted to go back and tell them on their faces to be human and sensitive. But my husband stopped me and told that we didn’t want to get into a situation.

Cuties!!!

‘Nobody is ready to agree that their babies are ugly’; this is what a character said in the ‘Friends’ series. Although this statement might seem insensitive for a few, I couldn’t help but appreciate the sincerity in this statement. I have always been in these tricky situations where people start talking about the cuteness, smartness, cleverness, of their kids but never stop. And when they start talking, I don’t know how people, who otherwise are normal enter into this insulated state and become such thick skinned that all my subtle as well as evident attempts at restraining their overflowing conversation overwhelmed by their little ones just go unnoticed!

Right from the day the baby is born, folks around it start talking about it. Every grand ma/ grand pa says every person he/she meets “Our baby is soooo cute. The nurse in the hospital told that this baby was the most beautiful baby she has ever seen in her service”. Little do they realize that the nurse was only trying to please them to get some additional tips! Which parent wouldn’t be pleased to hear that his/her offspring is the most beautiful one! The nurse just enchases on this little weakness of the strongest of strongest parents. You might find me skeptical, but how else would you explain me hearing the same compliments for different babies of different families born at different times in different hospitals? Now don’t tell me it is a coincidence or my super luck that I happen to meet the parents of the most beautiful children! I wouldn’t believe that.
Due to some obligation or the other I end up visiting these most beautiful babies and invariably I find every baby the same; very small, pink to reddish, wrinkled skin, eyes very thin or generally closed, no teeth, little or no hair, no eyebrows (or is there a thin one? Never noticed in such detail, will check next time), packed in a bundle of clothes smelling of a mixture of urine, sweat, stool, baby powder, milk and some medicine i.e. the exact baby smell!

As the baby grows and starts to crawl, walk I just try to avoid his/her folks. All they can talk about is their babies. “Our baby has become so naughty. He crawls all over the house and broke 2 vases and a showcase in a week. You will just adore him.” “Our angel has become so active now. She swallowed a button yesterday and put a stone into her nostrils the day before. You will just adore her.” Will you adore someone who breaks glasses and eats all non edible stuff? I think you will only if that someone happens to be your kid/ grand kid.
As the baby grows a little older, “Our son today played with bat and ball whole day. May be he will become agreat cricketer like Sachin Tendulkar” “Little Simran always likes to play with the stethoscope, May be she will become a doctor.” “She always likes watching herself in the mirror. She is an absolute beauty, may be she will become Aishwarya Rai.” “Cute Rohit likes mobile phones. May be he will become a busy business man. ””He likes cars, two wheelers a lot. May be he will buy many cars when he is big “(Please note- nobody says he will become Michael Schumacher. Why? Absolute logic, it is difficult to pronounce). These are the common statements. Having heard these many times from many people I can very well predict what folks talk about their kids. I just did a detailed analysis on this and have come to following conclusions-
1. In spite of every kid wanting to play with guns, no parent/ grand parent would talk about it like “Oh cutie baby, he likes playing with guns so much. May be he will become Veerappan or Phoolan Devi”
2. Parents/ grand parents don’t aspire their kids to become scientists. I have never heard anybody telling “Oh he may become Einstein or she may become Madam Curie.” If the little kid shows interest in breaking/fixing things, all they can imagine him to be is an engineer.
3. Wonder why folks don’t want their kids to do noble jobs! Never heard any one telling he/she will become a teacher, priest or a nurse
4. Bureaucrats are also out of the parents-list of professions for their kids.
5. Every baby girl likes cooking for play and would like to have her mini kitchen set. Still no parent tells she is going be a TarlaDalal or a Sanjeev Kapoor
6. Adventures, fine arts, litertaure are out of scope. Every kid does jumping, bungee jumping, monkey jumping or any kind of jumping. Did you ever here anyone telling their kid will become Tensing or an Edmond Hillary?
I am sure you would have come across many scenarios where a parent tries to show case his/ her kid’s vocal talents in front of you; (only that the vocal talents of the parent or rather the lack of it overwhelms any kind of talent of the kid.) In spite of all efforts to display their kids’ singing talents no parent tells he/she will become a Bhimsen Joshi or a Michael Jackson. “
“Our kid holds the pen and scribbles all over the wall and paper. At such small age he has grip over the pen”, yet nobody tells “He will become a Shakespeare”

Kids are innocent and adorable as they are. I do not like mediation from their folks to like them. It only creates the negative impact on me. I feel like telling them back “Look, your kid is no special. Every kid I have seen behaves exactly like your kid. “But being a nice person I am, I do not do that. Instead I pretend to be listening intently to all the heroics of the kid when my mind starts thinking of innumerable ways to get away from the person as far as possible and as soon as possible. A resolution takes shape in my mind,” I will never bug anyone with the antics of my kid in future.” Excitement of motherhood might make me to forget my resolution. But you guys will remind me, won’t you?